Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
