I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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