Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
