He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
