Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
