Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
