apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
