She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We're too hungover to prance.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
