I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
