Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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