He kissed a someone with a penis
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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