How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
