your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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