Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i out mim tonsoeep
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
