I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
