I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize