Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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