there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
cat food counts as protein by the way
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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