You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
