please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
