That's intense
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
