oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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