Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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