I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
