if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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