Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
