ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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