So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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