wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
