I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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