The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
