I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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