Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
