Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
