so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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