just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
