I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
