After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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