He uses pillows to masturbate.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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