Don't make out with my wife yet
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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