May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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