there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
