I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
