Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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