Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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