Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
