I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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