I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
