and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
