I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
