this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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