Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
