You just made me feel so damn special
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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