For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
