1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
