I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
