no, he came in my armpit
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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