those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize