I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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