she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
