is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
