dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
