I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
