Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
