Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
