he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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