THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
