my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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