just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
