we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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