I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize