One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
