I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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