So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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