So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize