I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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