why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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