I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
