Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize