remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
