it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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