just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
