ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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