I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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