My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
