i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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