You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
