OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
