why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
