Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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