my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A+ Viking dick
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