Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
