everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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