In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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