I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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