omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
