maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
