haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
