Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize