I seem to have left my pride at pride
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
