I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
